Race Day

No, not ethnic minorities, they get enough of the press for doing things, like being the objects of abuse, or being the abusers, it's so difficult to be politically correct nowadays I just give up. As you may have noticed.

Damn white bastards.

See, I had to use white, because otherwise it's racist. Now, granted, I am fairly white, but if someone of a different ethnic or national background said that, would it be construed as racist? It seems the stereotypical racist incident is white guys hurling abuse at black and asian people. What about all the black/asian tension? What about the inherent racial tensions between different groups of asians? Holy God, we even have people from "ethnic minorities" being abusive to white people! It's a strange world we live in where people focus and separate themselves on their differences instead of learning from other peoples' culture and becoming a stronger race.

Indeed, I've noticed on buses and trains people will always try and stay as far away from you as possible, trying to stay in their own little spaces. It just seems like people want to be left alone nowadays, and it's sad. Thank you very much, Mrs "Iron Lady."

Still, Race Day. The London Marathon. My dad ran it, well done to him.

Wish I could have seen more of it, but I'm such a lazy sod. That's why I'm so scared of exams. It's a terrible thing to be scared of, because with some fears you can grapple with them and overcome them. These make life like trench warfare: the buildup is horrendous, bearing down on your psyche like the Moon itself crashing into Earth, before Zeus' thunderbolt claps and suddenly they're everywhere, and it's all you can do to keep fighting against horrible odds and not turn your rifle on yourself. And then comes the gas.....

Well maybe not the gas, but still, exams are a horrid stage of life and are utterly pointless in a practical sense. Still, once they're over, 4 MONTH SUMMER HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Party down.

Ah I do envy..... them, those people. You know the ones I mean. The people with those shirts and that sort of swagger... ahh I'm just talking crap now, see you lovely lot later! (Notice my aliteration; now, if I were in an exam, I would have to analyse that. Perhaps you might say I use the aliteration of "l" to emphasise the beginning of "lovely", extending it to really give it meaning. Well, no, sorry, I did it because it sounded vaguely amusing and I was bored. Fuck you, AQA!)

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways...

A beautiful quote from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, which they're using at the moment to advertise bagels at the moment. God I do love bagels......

Anywho, according to my good friend Google it is Earth Day. What is that, you ask? You're guess is as good as mine. It's probably a pagan festival dressed up as something else to celebrate the birth if the Earth or something. Wait a minute, I think I just described Christmas...

So, it's been a while since I posted on here, and it appears I'm being stalked! It doesn't surprise me to be honest. I'm young, attractive, talented and, let's not forget, ginger. I'm surprised it's taken this long to be honest. Still, it's very welcome, so call all your stalker friends and point them in my direction!

(Include pictures.)

It seems as though Spring is well and truly here. The sun is beaming, the trees and blossoming and the insects are once again making a beeline for me. people are making plans for the holidays and exams are sharpening their teeth in preparation to rip our souls to shreds. I do love spring. Suddenly the world seems accessible again, our doors thrown open in defiance of the chill breeze to get in as much heat as we can to compensate for the miserable six months comprising our winter. I know winter only really lasts three months but in England, how can we really tell?

My dad is running the London Marathon this weekend (rather him than me) and if he survives, he's having a party where I've been asked to put on a band. That is going to be a disaster I can tell you, musicians are dropping out left, right and centre and no replacements are available at all. Bugger it all, this is indeed a lesson in management as my dad keeps reminding me. I'm just regretting agreeing to this.

OH WELL, at least I'm not the one running the bloody race.

Let's pray to the god of whichever religion you belong to that the prom will be even better than our Year 11 one. I might even bring my hat. Jokes.

Jokes....

Poetry of Music

Below is a poem I constructed out of a load of titles of famous jazz pieces (so you won't have heard of them) but I hope it sort of makes sense and that you enjoy it.

All of you.
All the things you are.
Soft winds speak no evil.
So what?
My funny valentine, satin doll,
It’s de-lovely.
Easy to love, you’d be so nice to come home to.
They can’t take that away from me.
Nostalgia in Times Square, misty,
Alone together, all of me,
All of you.
Ev’ry time we say goodbye, for Heaven’s sake!
Footprints, impressions,
It’s alright with me.
Take the “A” train, Tuxedo Junction,
I’m beginning to see the light!
I got it bad, body and soul, night and day.
Come Sunday, Green Dolphin Street. Four.
Don’t get around much anymore, darn that dream!
Afternoon in Paris, autumn leaves, all of me,
All of you.

Both Mass Murderers... Same Geeky Moustache... Just Who WAS This Cromwell Character?

Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protecter of England, born in 1599 died in 1658, September. Famous for his roles both in the army during the Civil War of England and the overthrowing of the monarchy. He is possibly most infamous for the brutal treatment of his Irish opponents, slaughtering over a million of them in his campaigns in Ireland. Not personally, but I'm sure he took his fair share.
Until now, it has been thought that Cromwell and his deeds died with him. However, startling new evidence has revealed that Cromwell has been active in recent decades, perhaps even as recent as 70 years ago. Photographic evidence shows that Oliver Cromwell was acting through the body of none other than Adolf Hitler, trying to not only spread his power around one whole country, but indeed the world!!!

This indesputable photographic evidence proves that Oliver Cromwell was indeed behind the terrible atrocities that took place during the bloody Second World War. I needn't remind readers of the terrible events that took place in Germany, Austria and Poland during the occupation of the Nazi-German troops. Thank the Lord, Cromwell-Hitler's body burnt like a bag of burning shit in a little hole somewhere. I believe they've turned it into a public latrine.

Whilst on the topic, the other night as I was making my way into Ilford, a militant white-trash BNP twat starts up about how great Hitler is, how all the Asians and Blacks were taking "our jobs, our homes" and something about how glad he was the recession was happening. He probably doesn't realise it'll ruin him too, but I didn't point that out to him, poor bastard. He ended up by stumbling drunkenly down the aisle of the bus slurring "Sieg Heil" and making some spastic movement which I can only assume was the Fascist salute. It's creeps like him who give us a bad name. Damn white people, get a job!!!

Who Reads These Anymore?

You, yes you, reading this piece of literary genius, you are fortunate enough to gaze on my handiwork and to gasp and marvel at my exquisite grasp of the English language.

So, now that the session of self-aggrandisement (wow, I hear you say) is over, let us move onto more pressing matters.

What can those be? Jade Goody? Who really cares, to be honest? A year ago we were all slating her, now she's a national icon. What for?! Hundreds of unfortunates suffer and die from cancer every year, but they don't make a big deal about it! Sorry to break it to you Jade, but you're not special.

No, the real tragedy in the news (at home at least) is the death of David Cameron's son, who suffered from cerebral palsy, from which the only cure seems to be, sadly, death. However much I hold Cameron in dislike for his political stance, these barriers must be dropped and a humanitarian viewpoint adopted to empathise with the unfortunate family. Politics only serves to divide us, much like religion and the ever-present argument over which is better: McDonalds or KFC (obviously the latter). It is refreshing to see this exemplified in the Commons (how sincere it was is unsure, but to see it is good nonetheless). To the Camerons, and indeed everyone who is feeling grief from the loss of a loved one, I am so sorry.

Tragedies are occuring elsewhere. A third plane has crashed in recent times, this time outside Amsterdam. Only nine people were killed, which is a small mercy for those nine but in the wake of events in America last week it is miracle. If you go in for those sorts of things.

But enough of this doom and gloom. Those of you who read this regularly (you know who you are!) will know I'm a sentimental old fool, preaching love and beauty in all facets of life. I'll spare you the speech this time, don't worry!

To dispell any rumours, I am NOT Jason/Joshua/James/Jeremy and-any-other-numbers-of-names-beginning-with-J Heathcote. The Heathcote Arms is merely a pub, and not a clue as to my identity. If I were Heathcote, I doubt I would admit it though, so this whole text is going to look even for of a facade. But I kid you not ladies and gentlemen. The hunt goes on.

I think I've discovered how Delicieuse has survived this crunch. Simon and I have practically kept it afloat with our regular visits and my fetish for their delightful chocolate cake. It is the best coffee shop in the whole of the East End in my very well-rounded opinion. Persuade everyone you know to patronise that shop! (As in to visit and buy coffee, not demean it. That would be going against everything I believe in. Even if they are French). And especially Tiffany, she needs to know these things!

I am incredibly hungry, so I shall leave you for now! Happy holidays everyone!

Feelin' them post-holiday blues

God, the half-term is practically over, and I have gotten no work done! Goddammit I told myself I would! Now I'm going to have a hard slog when I get back to finish that damn History coursework.

Oh well, it's been a pretty good half term all in all, I've seen all my friends and had a good laugh (and almost died at the hands of a motion simulator. I'm SO doing that again!!) so I'm sad to have to go back to school, even if we only went back about two weeks ago. I'm not going to be picky...

Apparently the girl who was dressed in the Ann Summers nurse outfit complained to someone that I was perving on her. I think she should review the situation before complaining, really. Even a gay guy told me he would do that!

Speaking of teenage pregnancies, I read in a paper that a Catholic priest has given his outward support of those chavs having a baby at the ages of 13 and 15. He claims that "they chose not to have an avortion, which shows they obviously have a respect for life. For this I salute them." Hang on... doesn't the Catholic Church strictly say sex outside marriage is wrong? And surely from a purely human point of view, which is far less biased than the teachings of any church, allowing two very young children to have a baby is not only going to affect them but the poor kid they've brought into this world? Not including the message we get about certain parts of our society. The church, or any religion for that matter, should take on the role it did in 18th Century Russia: as far as I remember it was not involved in aspects of law, politics or culture, it was merely to maintain the spiritual wellbeing of the populace. If this were the case, we wouldn't have bizarre, contradictory statements coming out every so often, and you guys wouldn't have to read coffee fuelled rants about how crap religion/society/everyone else is compared to me.

So sayeth George, the first son of Kevin. At His right hand, and with the Holy Ghost of Christmas Past (and with a £5 contribution from everyone) we shall become your new gods, and we will all go to happier places. Like Australia.

Okay, my religion doesn't make much sense, but Scientology made it, and they believe they have psychic powers!

"Be Wise, Condomise"

I got a free chlamydia test through my letterbox today. A late Valentines present from the NHS.

How thoughtful.

Anyway, I do appreciate the thought. If I have the disease, it's important to know. I don't want to risk infection of others. I don't think women would appreciate the response "I'm just sharin' the love" when they tell me.

Anyway, one question on the sheet made me laugh. It asked: "Have you had sex with a new partner in the last 3 months? Tick ONE". The answers were as follows:

Yes

No

Unknown

If the answer is "Unknown" I think there are far more pressing matters to deal with.

However, once I have sent my pee through the post I shall be cured, and noone can sue. Unwanted pregnancy? Not my problem anymore, bitch!

On that rather amusing note, what about that 13 year old who had a kid with a 15-going-on-30 year old?! I mean, I know I shouldn't laugh because that poor child is now going to have an incredibly bad life, but DAMN! God words can't even describe... just how wrong it all is! First of all, why is a 12 year old boy (as he was then) having sex? And second of all, why with her??? Dear lord she looks like she could be his mother!

I'd better get off the subject, I'm getting very worked up. As long as services look after that baby properly that's all that matters. Stupid chavs...

Also, these bankers getting bonuses really gets my goat. I know, as has been pointed out to me quite rightly, that not to give them their bonus would be a breach of contract, but to be honest because of their incompetence thousands of people are out of jobs, and will have no money whatsoever! For example, a Mini factory has closed down this week for a whole week because they are not making enough money, and many workers have been laid off (pardon my lack of statistics). It is a travesty and morally, I do not think these bankers deserve their bonuses at all.

Well, that's my rant over for the day, until next time jazz lovers!