Apocalypse!!!

I hope I spelt that right. Anyway, yes, the end of the world. As many of you probably know I'm a huge zombie enthusiast, so much so I keep a live one in my garden. Can you call them "live"?

I'm bored and full of shit, so I'd like to talk about what would happen if we did really face a zombie pandemic.

There's my audience gone, so now I shall continue.

This is all happening because on E4, while I'm away in New York grrr they are showing a show about a zombie uprising in Britain and the only surviviors that we know of are a group of people in the Big Brother house. What follows is a gruesome and bloody battle for survivial against 28 Days Later-esque zombies, which I think makes a very good plot for a regular Big Brother.

I really do wish we could face a zombie incursion. I know that sounds harsh on the millions of people that would inevitably die and join the horde, but God wouldn't it be fun? Get what remaining mates you have left round your house with an assortment of hand-to-hand and maybe even ranged weapons, and go out and meet the threat face-to-face, better than hiding in a small room like they tend to in zombie flicks.

It just gives us an excuse to go out with baseball bats and bash some heads in.

Of course you would most likely be eaten alive before the zombies were all re-dead, but man what a way to go. And if you're lucky, you'll just become one of them.

There are a number of "theories" that says zombies could come, I hope they really work.

Man I love zombies.

Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts!

It seems like only two millenia ago since our great leader George "Wanker" Bush was "voted in" to "run America" as President. How sad it is that this great, verile, Creationist is going to be leaving us towards the beginning of November (about fucking time!)

I have always been a major fan of George Bush. Not because of his sterling foreign and economic policies.

I love him IN SPITE of that.

He has given me many reasons to chuckle over the last 8th of a decade. He has come out with so many outrageously hilarious comments and actions (such as winking at the Queen. Seriously, what the hell???) that his passing will be hard for us all. I personally hope he takes up work as a stand-up comedian when he leaves office. Or, as they call it in the USA, the Governor of Texas.

Below are some classic (true) quotes that His great mouth has uttered over the last 8 years:

"It's clearly a budget. It has a lot of numbers in it." And people wonder why we're in recession.

"I know the Human Being and the Fish can coexist peacefully." I presume he's talking about over-fishing, but it's more likely it's about animal husbandry.

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." OK...

"There's no question that as soon as I was elected, the storn clouds were almost directly overhead." At least he doesn't deny it.

"I have made great decisions in the past. I have made great decisions in the future." George Bush is the only known human to have travelled in time. It really fucked his brain up.

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." This embodies everything that is wrong in America at present.

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." He's talking about office space, surely... please...

"Public speaking is very easy." A personal favourite.

These are just a small selection of the vast collection of gems. I'm just sad I don't have the time or the patience to write them all, but I'm sure you get the idea. Life will certainly be less amusing, when we have an American President who thinks it's funny to sing "Bomb bomb bomb Iran" on live radio. I'm not American, or Iranian, but personally I'm terrified.

One last, very recent quote to finish off with. "I wish I could just fix the economy by just clicking my fingers. But, obviously, it doesn't work that way." Really? You've spent... what, a month, working that out? Well it looks like he's getting the hang of this a little too late.

In loving memory of George W. Bush, American president, you will be sorely missed, and yet, not.

Let's just hope America makes the right choice in November, or else we will likely be facing very dark times indeed.

Christmas Time, Mistletoe and Wine...

Well, maybe not just yet, but I'm sure the adverts and sales will start all too soon. I do love commercialism.

It's October anyway, in case you didn't know. It's heralded some bad things, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, shame on you! Still, there will probably be things to look forward to in the coming months.

Like New York! Yes I'm off to the Big Apple during the last week of October, to see the wondrous sights of that amazing place. Of course I'll be visiting the jazz clubs, because I'm just that cool. Far more important than, say, looking at big green statues.

Who gave it to them anyway?

The French, that's who, the bastards, helping the American's win the War of Independence - look at what that's got us into! But I won't preach anti-everyone hate, as we should all be banding together, and my hate-filled (yet very rousing) talk will no doubt not help.

Amazingly today, Music was useful. We learnt! We actually learnt! My confidence is somewhat restored! Perhaps school is starting to look up, and I won't fail my A Levels.

Perhaps.

Another benefit (sorry to go back to it) of being in America when I am is that it will be the week preceeding the American Presidential Elections! I am sure I will hear much strong, interesting political debate whilst I am there.

Who am I kidding?

Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to follow it, I am poor at all things political, but I'm rooting for Obama, because anything is better than a president who wants to, in his own words, "Bomb bomb bomb Iran." Stupid man, I hope he chokes on his porridge, daft old bastard.

The hate will stop here, I promise.

You know what I love? Jazz music. Jazz music, and puppies. Get a small dog playing sax and I'll be content for the rest of my life.

1042

I think that's that movie that Jim Carrey did (is that how you spell his name? Did he do that film? Is that even what the film is called?!)

I guess we'll never know, and that's probably for the best. What 1042 IS though is what my email count is up to. Ridiculous. I must be the world's laziest guy, especially when it comes to emails.

Jackpot.

So another day is gone, another day is which it has been affirmed to me that I have little chance of contending with these A levels at the moment, and that I'll have to work my arse off every day from now 'til then (whenever then may be) to get the grades everyone thinks I should.

Score.

Being the world's laziest man doesn't help obviously, but if I can get on top of my work then maybe I can get on top of that insurmountable pile of emails I have waiting for me. Bit of tautology there, at least I think it's tautology. I do English, I really should know.

But as we always do when we don't know something, we'll blame someone else. I'll blame my teachers. It's all their fault, etc etc ramble over.

I got tickets for Any Questions today, the radio version of Question Time, so I'm trying to think of something I can ask these political boffins when they come to my school. Seeing as I know very little about the world of politics and do not wish to make a prat of myself, I think I'll keep me trap shut. Much easier, and laugh along and applaud when everyone else does.

I wonder what I'm having for dinner tonight...

Kavi... what do I say?!

I'm in one of those horrible situations where I have no work to do, but I feel like I should be working. God damn it, I can't relax!

Well, what can I say? Well, the gig on Saturday went great, considering we didn't have a bass player. We sounded pretty tight and the audience loved it (they were all over 70, it was jazz, it was meant to be). No pay unfortunately but oh well, it was fun!

I've been sitting here for about 20 minutes now, pondering things. I do that a lot, ponder. If I'm ever sitting quietly beside you, I'm not bored, I'm just pondering, delving into the unfathomable depths of my mind. It goes quite a way before you actually find anything, so that's probably why I appear comatosed for most of my awake life.

I wrote my first ever jazz piece today, proper one anyway that wasn't for coursework. Hopefully I might be able to do something with it, if everyone agrees with me that it's amazing.

Giggidy giggidy.

Giggidy giggidy goo.

Dammit Fred!

There are very few people on this planet who will understand what just happened.

Even I'm not quite sure.

You know, history's a great thing. We're studying Mussolini at the moment, God what an interesting period. Hitler seemed to have gotten all his filthy tricks off of Mussolini, except whereas Mussolini was generally a nice guy DUCE Hitler was a twat and killed millions of people. End of. That'll be an A on my essay thank you! What? Not enough supporting deatil? Fuck you.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.

I love the world, and some of the world loves me. You'd better....

Well, I've wasted enough of your time, so until this time next millenium...

*Blows raspberry*

Back by popular demand!

I'm back, back to bitch about the world some more. How dya like that, jhenderson??

Anyway, back to life. It's going pretty well actually, had one hell of a weekend that involved seeing my mates, going to a (mad) 18th birthday party and seeing my wonderful girlfriend. School's back in however, so doubtless I'll have much fun doing homework and being told how we're all going to fail. YAY!

I had an interesting exchange with Mrs. Jordan today, who told me my grammar was terrible (I laugh, whilst writing this I spelt grammar wrong) even though I've never had a complaint about it before. But she must be right, because teachers are always right. Hmm...

Bitch.

By the way, a friend of mine is trying to beg for money, so don't listen to him.

Of course, this Saturday there is another party with a different group of friends, but I can't go because of another bloody gig. I'm not even getting paid! This band was a bad idea I think, hasn't paid off at all. But oh well, as long as someone brings a photograph I'll be there in spirit.

Talking of spirits, I've discovered I have a liking for vodka. Lovely stuff. If anyone is thinking of a Christmas present, there we go.

What are you waiting for, go get the damn booze!

A friend of mine came up today complaining of being "cyber-bullied" on Facebook. He said that he was going to report it to the British Athletics Team and get the bully kicked off. I said this was out of order, and that he should report it to the school and have it dealt with there, by getting him kicked off the team is just stooping to his (the bully's) level, but he seems to think revenge is the best way to settle this. What would you reckon is the best compromise for this sort of situation?

Crossdressers are to Skirts as Chavs are to...

Tracksuits! Dear me but do I hate those things! I tend to look down upon a lot of things but I think these take the proverbial biscuit. All these people, sporting them as if they're the latest in fashion, but for God's sake they look ridiculous! They're baggy, dreary, and all too often falling down the weaer's legs. Just the sight of this makes me want to laugh and weep in equal measure.

Having said that, I am guilty of owning a tracksuit. They are terribly useful when one doesn't want to go through the effort of doing up buttons and zips and belts. Unfortunately I was just spotted wearing one outside by someone I know, so I hope they won't judge me too harshly.

Another day at school, another box of stolen pens. To ring true to Kavi's description of "The Music Lot", Emdon's lesson once again held no educational value (I think actually may have lost a few brain cells during that two and a half hours). It may all pay off, who knows?

Looks like even more banks are dying now. According to Emdon, "we're screwed". I disagree; obviously things are bleak at the moment but the press loves to scaremonger- it's how they make a living. As long as we ride out the storm we'll be fine. I mean, look at the Wall Street Crash of 1929; we recovered from that after time. Okay, yes, it can be argued that World War Two came indirectly out of these ashes, but ignoring that, life should be back to normal in the next couple of years. We'll be laughing about it over our over-priced drinks and on the phone as we (illegally) drive our sports cars around the M25.

And if the Germans do start kicking up a fuss, we can go for the hat-trick.