I've been thinking...

Always a dangerous thing to hear me say. It is often followed by some incredibly badly thought out political argument, or a plan which everyone seems to agree with, but in actual fact couldn't give two...

Anyway, why is it that flies have evolved with an incredibly complex array of sensors that help them navigate their way around... and yet they never choose the right bloody window to fly out of! They always go for the ones that are shut or don't even open. Even if they are confused by their sensory thing surely they can feel the breeze emanating from the window barely 3 inches to their left! It's just inconsiderate, that's what it is.

I also noticed that when I have my bag on, and my shadow is played out in front of me, I look like my trousers are hanging low, much like the gangsters wear them. ("Gangsters", they don't know the meaning of the word.) I feel proud.

Well, very little is going on at the moment, which is probably good considering I'm on holiday. I haven't gone to bed before 12 for a few days now, which really can't be doing me much good. What with all this heat, I should be dead by now. I'm going to put it down to sheer pluck that I'm still alive.

I'm getting a valve trombone! "What's that?" I hear you cry. "Who cares?" comes another solitary call from the back of the room. It's basically a trombone but with trumpet valves instead of a slide. See, makes sense doesn't it? It's very exciting news for me anyway.

Doesn't life seem a bit empty without the dread of school hanging over us? I have no direction anymore, except to keep playing trombone and reading, lest my mind go mad! How are you all dealing with the stress of nothingness?

It's a dichotomy that we complain about school when we're there, but lament about its disappearance from our lives. Rather like the weather. We complain when it's hot, we complain when it's cold. Is there a perfect weather condition?

That's like asking if there is a perfect state of mind. Well of course there is. It's called Death. Only in Death can we find true inner peace and be free of conflict, guilt and pride. So, everybody, on the count of 3, do that thing the Japanese soldiers did, with the swords.

Ready?

1...

2...

3...

Why are you still reading this? You should be dead!!!

Is he STILL dead?!

I bet that's what a lot of Christians are saying about Jesus as well. Not that I'm comparing Michael Jackson to our Lord Saviour. I bet ol' Jesus could've done a much better moonwalk than Jackson. And on water, too.

So yes, he's dead, but I'm not getting caught up in the massive furore surrounding his death/disappearance. I wasn't around when he was revolutionising pop music and, let's face it, I never knew the man. So let's all move on with our lives; it's not as though his music is forever gone.

What if this is just a cover though, and he's been cryogenically frozen? In 60 years time we could see the miraculous return of Michael Jackson (and probably some radical Christians proporting the return of Jesus.) I bet it's all just a big publicity stunt. Only time will tell.

You know how pets are sometimes buried in their own cemeteries? Do celebrities get their own graveyards? Macabre memorials to the Marx brothers and Arthur Miller; it doesn't bear thinking about.

We're all signed off from school now, which means I'm trying to sign on! It's far more difficult than it looks, as I need a National Insurance number that I'm sure I've never been shown, and I have to go along to regular interviews until I get a job or start university, whichever comes first. I'm willing to bet university.

Still, the summer is looking beautiful isn't it? We're finally getting the heat, and I don't have to wear a jacket out! Watch out ladies, the muscles are coming out. And the legs. Dear God, the legs.....

The summer is good for other reasons too, gentlemen. Get out there and spread the lurrrrve!

Whilst I was writing something the other day, I wrote "remember". If any of you are familiar with the game "Uxbridge English Dictionary", I have a new meaning for "remember": to reattach one's limbs. Not the best ever but it struck me that "remember" should be the opposite to "dismember". Just a thought...

Injured at work?

You shouldn't be driving rocket cars at 220 mph!

Anyone else remember that? Hugh Dennis on "Mock the Week", aeons ago? Just me? I need to get out more...

I like Hugh Dennis though. He's not brash and crude like Fankie Boyle, or loud and exciteable like Michael Mackintyre (however you spell his bloody name), but he's got that boyish grin and sharp wit that puts him above the others, I think. Plus, I can do an uncanny impersonation of him, but only if I've had enough to drink.

You know, I really should send back that letter the Student Finances people sent me... I really could do with several thousand pounds next year.

Anyone else looking forward to university as much as I am??? I doubt it, because I'm very excited! I don't even really know what I have to do for War Studies but it's still exciting! plus I'll have more time to do my music and get a job and go out to see the beauty (or not) of London. There really is so much to see, I think you can get the best of it as a student, so that's what I'll bloody well do! I'm going to have to get a bloody well paid job.....

Where is everyone going on holidays this year? I'm going to Scotland (I have to be brave in the face of ticks and midges, and Scotsmen. I hear they're particularly volatile this time of year.) if I survive the wilderness (it's 6 miles to the nearest pub!) I shall have quite a lot of nice pictures to share, as the place we're staying at has a beautiful view of a big lake with mountains and rolling hills, and plenty of sheep so I'm told. Apparently it gets lovely sunsets too, so be prepared for some awe-inspiring shots. If it doesn't rain, an ever-present danger of holidaying in the British Isles.

Anyway, enough of my drivel, see you on my next post.

The morning after...

Well, that was one hell of a night! The Ilford/Woodford prom went off with great success, I think. I certainly had fun (as you would have gussed seeing me boogie down on the dancefloor).

To call it dancing would be kind. I might compare it to epilepsy, but that would probably offend someone. Needless to say, it was appalling.

However, the prom was only part of the fun that Kate and I shared in. As a treat for both of us, my dad booked a room at the hotel itself! (It makes me sound like a spoiled child, I know, but this is a very rare thing.) However, when we got there, it turned out I needed my dad's credit card, as he had booked through a third party booking site and as such, the payment had to be made at the hotel itself. Needless to say there was a great furore, resulting in a great deal of phonecalls and exasperation, but eventually we got our room. Not only that, but we got a complementary English Breakfast as way of saying sorry for all the difficulties! Result!

We went for a meal at the local Wetherspoons (I seriously recommend Wetherspoons, decent food for very reasonable prices, great stuff. Burger and beer is only £4.69 for example!) and danced the night away, after a great deal of make-up applying and hair-doing. Kate was getting rather imaptient by the time I'd finished!

Despite all the lovliness I had to rush back home to get to a rehearsal this morning which was quite frankly a waste of time. Having to abandon Kate to do this was definitely not worth it, but it's always good fun to see the guys, but this concert is so badly organised and so shite that I don't see how it can have any positive influence on me at all. I even have to miss the prom on the boat, which I was very much looking forward to...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!!!

Oh well, I must'nt complain, things always look bad before the good. And there is a LOT of good coming my way. I don't know how I shall contain my excitement.

Can't you just feel it?

I'm back, baby!

Well, it's been a while, what with all these exams I haven't really felt compelled to write on here; you're all going through exactly the same thing, hearing my moaning would have been more boring than usual.

But it's over now, and now all that is left is to enjoy the summer and to dread the ever-nearer 20th August (Doomsday).

Well, I was at the pub last night, and wouldn't you know it, a fight broke out. Bloody typical teenagers going over the top for no reason, other than the fact they'd both had a little too much to drink. No wonder we get such a bad name, it's quite pathetic really, and I don't really sympathise with either of them. Basically, a comment was made about someone's mum, as a joke, but the other didn't take it too well, and thanks to a fair deal of drink and mouths that just don't know when to shut up, a fight broke out. Sort of. If one could call it that.

Luckily, Steve (that was his name in the end) did what he could to help and most people piled on top of the two offenders to stop it. It would be even funnier if it weren't so daft.

Let's face it, watching two drunk teens going at each other is quite funny.

It's prom night tonight! Time for parties, and celebrations, and a lot of bad music danced to really badly. I know I certainly won't do myself justice on the dancefloor, but I'm hoping Kate will make up for where I lack.

At the Kensington Hilton as well, very swish. I'm not sure they'd like me calling it "swish" but I'm paying them, so they'll put up with it.

Or else, I shall leave in a huff!

By the way, if anyone is bored one day, I seriously recommend making the journey to Brick Lane. It's such a vibrant street with many delightful restaurants and a hell of a lot of... things going on. I hope by using the word "things" I haven't put you off with images of blandness, it's actually a very interesting place to be. Take the lady or some friends, grab a meal, and wander down and check out some of the shops and galleries and the various little vendors on the sides of the street (don't buy their DVDs though, that's not good.)

Good to be back, hope to write something a bit more exciting next time.

Race Day

No, not ethnic minorities, they get enough of the press for doing things, like being the objects of abuse, or being the abusers, it's so difficult to be politically correct nowadays I just give up. As you may have noticed.

Damn white bastards.

See, I had to use white, because otherwise it's racist. Now, granted, I am fairly white, but if someone of a different ethnic or national background said that, would it be construed as racist? It seems the stereotypical racist incident is white guys hurling abuse at black and asian people. What about all the black/asian tension? What about the inherent racial tensions between different groups of asians? Holy God, we even have people from "ethnic minorities" being abusive to white people! It's a strange world we live in where people focus and separate themselves on their differences instead of learning from other peoples' culture and becoming a stronger race.

Indeed, I've noticed on buses and trains people will always try and stay as far away from you as possible, trying to stay in their own little spaces. It just seems like people want to be left alone nowadays, and it's sad. Thank you very much, Mrs "Iron Lady."

Still, Race Day. The London Marathon. My dad ran it, well done to him.

Wish I could have seen more of it, but I'm such a lazy sod. That's why I'm so scared of exams. It's a terrible thing to be scared of, because with some fears you can grapple with them and overcome them. These make life like trench warfare: the buildup is horrendous, bearing down on your psyche like the Moon itself crashing into Earth, before Zeus' thunderbolt claps and suddenly they're everywhere, and it's all you can do to keep fighting against horrible odds and not turn your rifle on yourself. And then comes the gas.....

Well maybe not the gas, but still, exams are a horrid stage of life and are utterly pointless in a practical sense. Still, once they're over, 4 MONTH SUMMER HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Party down.

Ah I do envy..... them, those people. You know the ones I mean. The people with those shirts and that sort of swagger... ahh I'm just talking crap now, see you lovely lot later! (Notice my aliteration; now, if I were in an exam, I would have to analyse that. Perhaps you might say I use the aliteration of "l" to emphasise the beginning of "lovely", extending it to really give it meaning. Well, no, sorry, I did it because it sounded vaguely amusing and I was bored. Fuck you, AQA!)

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways...

A beautiful quote from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, which they're using at the moment to advertise bagels at the moment. God I do love bagels......

Anywho, according to my good friend Google it is Earth Day. What is that, you ask? You're guess is as good as mine. It's probably a pagan festival dressed up as something else to celebrate the birth if the Earth or something. Wait a minute, I think I just described Christmas...

So, it's been a while since I posted on here, and it appears I'm being stalked! It doesn't surprise me to be honest. I'm young, attractive, talented and, let's not forget, ginger. I'm surprised it's taken this long to be honest. Still, it's very welcome, so call all your stalker friends and point them in my direction!

(Include pictures.)

It seems as though Spring is well and truly here. The sun is beaming, the trees and blossoming and the insects are once again making a beeline for me. people are making plans for the holidays and exams are sharpening their teeth in preparation to rip our souls to shreds. I do love spring. Suddenly the world seems accessible again, our doors thrown open in defiance of the chill breeze to get in as much heat as we can to compensate for the miserable six months comprising our winter. I know winter only really lasts three months but in England, how can we really tell?

My dad is running the London Marathon this weekend (rather him than me) and if he survives, he's having a party where I've been asked to put on a band. That is going to be a disaster I can tell you, musicians are dropping out left, right and centre and no replacements are available at all. Bugger it all, this is indeed a lesson in management as my dad keeps reminding me. I'm just regretting agreeing to this.

OH WELL, at least I'm not the one running the bloody race.

Let's pray to the god of whichever religion you belong to that the prom will be even better than our Year 11 one. I might even bring my hat. Jokes.

Jokes....